always.

For the past few nights, I have been staying awake until 3 or 5 in the morning working on final papers and projects. This morning I am almost out of steam. It’s been difficult to craft my final paper for J310 without interjecting my own voice and opinions into the feature. Frankly, I am not even sure if the topic of my story is that great or exciting.

In 2 hours I am supposed to take another walk-through of the apartment that I want. I know that I am approved for the place but it doesn’t feel real yet. It won’t feel real until my things are inside of there and my cats are purring near the fireplace. Am I really going to live right off of Sunset? I truly hope so.

The place is way too big for me. I don’t even have enough furniture to fill it. Yet something about it feels very right. I want to make this space my sanctuary. I want to find myself again. The Brenn who loves to write, read science fiction, pour over poetry and draw silly cartoons.

If I live there, I know that my life is going to change drastically. I am ready for that. I’ll be around different types of people, which I love. There are so many upscale restaurants in the area. Kevin Spacey sat behind me at breakfast the other morning.

I hate how when I want something I get this laser-like focus and won’t cease until I win or get what I want. It’s a blessing and a curse. Sometimes I become like a one-track mind and can barely concentrate on anything else. Thoughts of this apartment are consuming me. I’ve been drooling over furniture, candle holders,  and design magazines yet my pen hasn’t even touched the lease yet.

Part of me believes that whoever is leasing this apartment out was waiting for someone like me. The building is family-owned and the unit has been vacant for over a month and a half. I was told that the family is wealthy and that they don’t need the money. It seems like they are more interested in finding the right kind of people to live in the building. I just can’t believe that a place like that has been vacant for so long and that a suitable applicant hasn’t applied.

I’m trying to work on my final papers but I can’t focus. Part of me wants to crawl back in bed until noon but the gardener is outside and his leaf-blower is loud as fuck.

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