I just woke up from a dream that almost has me in tears. In the first part of the dream, I was about to fly somewhere but was going to miss my flight. Traffic was heavy and I was filled with so much anxiety about not being able to get to the airport on time. Even though it was dark outside, I got out of my car and started walking to the airport. For some reason my surroundings were unusually dangerous and I asked this random girl who was with me why she was also walking this way. She said “sometimes I just do.”
The dream skipped and suddenly I was in Waikīkī with one of my gfs and it was gorgeous and sunny. I was walking through masses of locals and was well aware that I was a tourist. Out of nowhere, I saw Jenah, who I’ve only hung out with once and she recognized me and invited me to spend the day with her. At first, my gf was with us but somehow we lost her and then it was just me and Jenah. She took me around town and showed me the most beautiful spots to swim. I was afraid I’d get made fun of for my light skin and not fitting in and she was like “nah, fuck it.” I told her how lucky she is and how bad I wished my life was like hers. She was like, “yeah, I’m ridiculously blessed” and started telling me about Buddhism and said that I need more spirituality in my life so I wouldn’t feel so sad and empty all the time. Then her sister came and met up with us and told me that she’d help me find a job that would bring me happiness and a sense of fulfillment.
It was such a random dream… and I still am almost crying. In reality, I’m in Oklahoma and my grandpa is dying. I’m not happy with my life right now and I feel empty and spiritually void.
When I get home, I am going to get back to eating healthier and working out again like I was. Maybe Los Angeles is not the right place for me. I’ve lived there 5 years and it feels like home but maybe that’s just because I’m so familiar with it. All I know is that I need change and need it badly.